Updated: Apr 13
I want to share with you a realization I recently had about holding onto the past and feeling regret.
We've all experienced it, that feeling of looking back and wishing we could have done something differently, wishing we had made another choice or regretting our actions in a situation.
The reality is that we cannot change the past, we can only change our actions now in order to build a brighter future!
What happens when we regret?
First of all, on the vibratory scale (see scale of vibration on the right- taken from rising vibe.com), regret is a very low vibration (20 on this chart- low vibe!), which basically means it makes us feel absolutely awful. It leaves us feeling powerless and can cause us to sit in the victim mentality and self sabotage. This in
turn blocks us from realizing our true potential for moving forward and for creating our own reality.
The problem with sitting and regretting the past is that it holds us in that same low vibration which over time, causes a pattern to form- meaning we will keep vibrating at that same frequency and therefore we will keep unconsciously attracting the same situations to us over and over again, i.e. like energy attracts like energy or in other words we attract back to us what we put out into the Universe.
Regret drains our energy and zest for life, it gives us the excuse to stay 'stuck' and it keeps us from moving forward. It keeps us in the past, wondering 'what if?', but this serves no purpose towards being in the present moment or building our future. We will just continue going around in a loop, leaving no room for growth or expansion- which could otherwise lead to us creating a better future for ourselves.
We are here NOW! The only time we will ever have is RIGHT NOW, so we should use this time wisely to build a better tomorrow!
What can we do instead?
Instead of being angry and regretting choices, a great option is to look at the lessons we have learnt from the situation at hand and make a better choice going forward with the new perspective gained.
Remember that whenever the choice was made, we did so using the knowledge and experience that we had at that moment in time. How could we have known any better?
The thing is, we didn't know any better and we also didn't know what we know right now- this is where our new knowledge kicks in and we get the chance to value our own personal experiences.
Questions we can ask ourselves to increase our awareness and feel empowered going forward:
"Do I want to remain the same or do I want to choose something different?"
"What would I do differently if I was met with the same scenario?"
"What value have I gained from this experience?"
"What am I grateful for?"
Why is this so important?
If we have had a lesson come into our lives and we gained some new knowledge or perspective, but refuse to see it that way and instead, choose to remain in regret, then all of the pain we've experienced was absolutely pointless!
We won't be able to move on and reach our true potential.
The purpose of lessons and experiences is for us to grow,expand and make better choices in the future with the knowledge gained along the way.
Remember: It was a life lesson not a life sentence!
So now what? If you're like me you're probably thinking, well that's all well and good but how the heck do I just let these things go? How do I get past them and move on?
Well, I have some good news for you! I have discovered an amazing exercise which I think could really help you!
This is my own adaptation of an exercise from Jack Steel's Book- 30 Days to turn your brain into a money machine- highly recommended!
If you complete this exercise I believe you will start to feel differently about your regrets.
Just follow these steps:
Go through the timeline of your life
Write down each of the regrets along your timeline, e.g 1995- xxx happened, 2000- xxx happened and so on. Try to come up with at least five.
Get a good clear list, make sure to put down everything from small to big regrets
Take a deep breath to clear your mind
Go through the list and write down beside each regret what that event led to
Look from the perspective of what lesson you learnt and how it changed the trajectory of your life from that moment onward, e.g XXX event caused me to take a look at my choices and realize that I need to think things through before acting or that I should be more discerning with the people I trust (this is only an example, your lessons will be specific to your life experience)
Whatever the lesson is, big or small, take note of it- these are the things that shape us!
You may want to release any limiting beliefs which are no longer serving you e.g XXX event happened, which caused me to believe XXX about myself- however I know that this isn't true so I can let it go now.
Tip: Sometimes you might not see the positive outcome at the start but I found if you keep writing about what happened and dissecting the events meaning, you will come to a conclusion as to what you learnt, the lesson you should take from the experience, why the event occurred in the first place or even what you can choose to let go right now!
Remember: Take your time going through this exercise and be kind to yourself. Some things take a bit of time to realize and when things are painful it can be hard to see the point of it at all! It's normal to feel some resistance but we have to face things in order to release them.
There's no use in being angry, upset or regretting whatever happened, everything that happens is just perfect for that moment. The vibration we were in at the time, attracted that situation, the head space we were in drove us to make those choices.
The only time we will ever have is right now.
The past is in the past.
The decisions we made, were made with the knowledge we had at that time.
The best thing we can do for ourselves is acknowledge our mistakes, learn from them and make better choices going forward.
We must honor ourselves by practicing the knowledge gained through our own personal experiences.
Remember that we're all here, clumsily making our way through life and nobody is perfect! (there's no such thing! ;-P)
If you would like some help changing your outlook on life, I have plenty of NLP and Coaching exercises which can help!
We can definitely make changes on our own but sometimes its only when we have a coach or mentor that we can get past those thoughts, beliefs and ideas that are really keeping us 'stuck'- the unseen parts which hold us back from living our happiest, most fulfilled experience.
Best of luck!